This was spring break week. We don’t really take off time from lessons for spring break, but it is inevitably a lighter week, since there is either relatives visiting, or classes happening. This week, I. was gone for three full days, from early morning until dinner time. We did manage to get in a good chunk of math on the days he was home. We begin our medieval history block in April. We are both looking forward to that.
We were expecting relatives from out of state to visit, but a blizzard (in Spring !?!) shut down the airport totally, and all flights were cancelled. So they cancelled their vacation.
My husband celebrated his birthday. It was a nice and quiet day. I made birthday scones instead of cake, since he isn’t eating sugar, really.
I went through the ups and downs all over again this week of closing my midwifery practice. I love the idea of taking clients very part time, but in reality, I just can’t do it. I had an interview set up with a former client’s family member. And I was excited. But, as the day dawned and got forth, full of happy chaos and children fighting and needing to get food made and laundry started and, and, and…I realized with stinging clarity that this is not the season for me to work outside the house. All it does is cause me stress, and that is unnecessary. It would be self inflicted.
So, I canceled the interview and felt immediate relief (less to worry about and get done) and also immense sadness. I took myself into my bedroom and covered myself with the blankets and sobbed. I thought I’d mourned the loss of my midwifery practice, but the wound was freshly opened and I felt it all over again. So long as I’m on my own (without that tribe!), I can’t do it. Because, I really can’t do it all. I can’t. This life thing is like juggling a bunch of balls and keeping them in the air. When I was serving as a midwife, that ball was priority as I couldn’t let my clients down. This meant I invariably dropped the other balls. I couldn’t keep them all going: midwifery practice, homeschooling, mothering, housekeeping, cooking. One or more balls always got dropped. And that wasn’t the life I wanted, no matter how much I loved midwifery. Life is stressful living like that.
Nowdays, the balls I’m juggling are pretty much manageable. Sometimes something drops, but not for long. Life is easier this way.
In chick news, they are all growing well. We are keeping our fingers crossed that they are all hens.